17 Dec 02

Latest from NJ:

"The state of New Jersey is passing a bill that would require all handguns sold after 2007 to be equipped with 'smart gun technology,' even tho ugh, at present, such technology is nonexistent.

In an effort to assist with the magical and precipitous appearance this currently nonexistent technology, the state has given millions in taxpayer dollars to the New Jersey Institute of Technology. NJIT's latest attempt (o f many; all the rest have since been abandoned) is to develop a device that measures and recognizes the 'unique and distinct' position and press ure of a shooter's grip and trigger press. They assure us this device would recogniz e the characteristics of the programed shooter, thus allowing the gun to fire (at some point) after the recognition of the 'distinct signature' of bone structure and pressure produced when they grip is attained.

Questions like: Does this mean that I can never gain or lose weight? Does this mean that I can only hold the gun one way and in only one hand? Will i t work when I'm wearing gloves? How many people can be programmed into one gu n and how long will it take? Will all this add unacceptable bulk and weight t o a gun that is designed to be carried concealed? What happens when the batteries go dead? Will it work in all foreseeable ambient temperatures, pressures, and humidity? Will the technology itself ever be reliable enough for 'emergency' equipment? Will this make defensive handguns prohib itively expensive?... have all remained casually and contemptuously unanswered. However, it is interesting to note that state law enforcement agencies, including the governor's bodyguard detail, will be exempt. We are told that the whole thing would be 'impractical' for them!

Those of us that are temporary stuck in the state of NJ are not impressed with this dubious and comically abstract 'technology, nor by the fac t that our tax dollars are being spent on this fools' errand. As a result, we are all currently engaging in a desperate attempt by acquire as many "dumb' handguns as we can possibly afford.

While all this is going on, our state's black bear population is rapidly getting out of hand. Attacks and other 'negative contacts' with bla ck bears are becoming alarmingly commonplace. The obvious solution is to simply institute a hunting season. But, of course, the very notion of citizens actually benefiting is unthinkable for any good Democrat. So, our Game Department has received a grant to research a 'contraceptive' for fe male bears. No one has yet suggested how all these female bears are going to be persuaded to take 'the pill,' but, of course, no good bureaucrat eve r worries about such things."

/John